Inventions

Last year while Michael was gone, I came up with a brilliant idea. You know those grocery carts with the big plastic seats attached behind the handle so the kids sit up high? Okay, you take one of those, encase the entire seating area in some plexiglass, with a divider between the two seats. Drill some air holes in the sides so that they can get fresh air, but not between the two, and if we could make that middle divider soundproof, that would be ideal. It should be fully enclosed, with a latch on the door on each side, so that they can't get out. This keeps the kids from touching each other or arguing (though they can still look... hmm, lets tint that divider, too), and it also keeps them from running down the aisle or grabbing things off the shelf. Ideally, of course, you'd also just duct tape their mouths shut so that they also can't argue with YOU, but that may be a tad abusive. I think I would have paid to use something like this last year, when taking two kids to the grocery store was about the closest to hell on earth as I've ever come. Its when I realized that they put the alcohol on the side of the store that you're most likely to visit last - because a drink sounds very appealing by the end of a long shopping trip with 2 preschoolers.

Now, I've got a new idea. This one stems from a couple of problems that I'm currently having. One - I spend an estimated 43 hours per day on the toilet, thanks to my little bladder-puncher in there. If there were a frequent buyer program for toilet paper, I would have racked up a ton of points by now. My first thought was to get a tall stool and put a pillow on it and then I can just sleep in there with my head on the pillow instead of hobbling in there 80 times a night. But my other problem is that especially after my little jog down the hill yesterday, I'm a bit stiff and sore. I was so stiff last night that I found myself walking with a major sway-back, which just made things worse overall, as it made the baby flip around the wrong direction. Having a butt in the left side and a foot knocking a hole through the right side is bad enough - having him facing all the way to the front means all of those legs and arms and knees and feet and elbows were just flailing about as though he were dancing (if you've ever seen Aaric dance, you know how painful that would be to have someone do it inside of you, my children aren't graceful at all). I knew that leaning forward would help him turn back the right way, but leaning forward hurt. I realized that sitting on my ball (birth ball/exercise ball/whatever you want to call it big ball) would help. So, I need to sit on the ball all day. Oh! But what about the bladder? And what if I need to move from room to room?
And now I have my newest brilliant idea. A big exercise ball, with handles on it, like the kiddie balls that they bounce around on, so that I can sit on my ball and bounce around the house. I'll put a platform in the kitchen so that I can reach the counters while sitting on it. AND I'll somehow incorporate a portapotty type deal into it, with some device to wash and drain it frequently. This way, I can stay on it 24/7. I'll only need to get off to bathe.

Now I just need to find someone to create these devices for me.