Deep Thoughts

The following are true, unedited quotes that my children have uttered over the last couple days.
Mikayla was eating yogurt, topless. She's a little bit messy sometimes. I heard her happily exclaim, "LOOK! I have milk coming out of my boobies!!" Yes, she'd dripped yogurt onto her bare chest, making it look like she had some major leakage issues.
Aaric is apparently pondering such things as "why are were here" and I don't know, maybe instead of watching Lion King last night like I thought, he popped in The Matrix, but clearly, he's got strange things running through his head. Or rather, deep thoughts that I just don't expect to hear from a 5 year old boy. I think he talks non-stop. I'm not sure if he ever shuts up. Honestly, I've learned to tune a lot of it out. I'd go insane if he didn't. Needless to say, there's a lot of mindless "mmmhmm"'s and "oh really?"'s going on around here. I have no clue what he's talking about. I happened to hear the tail end of something today though. "... sometimes I wonder if really, all of this is just a dream." I hear him and answer, "a dream?" "Yeah, that or maybe its all not real and really, God's just playing a video game." Wow. Umm, okay...

The kids have a cousin, the dear child of my older brother. She's 6 and goes to school. She's in the first grade. Last year she learned all about fire drills and tornado drills. She lived with us for a couple months this summer (as did my older brother). She frequently held fire and tornado drills. I never paid close attention. Perhaps I should have, since this is what I heard today: "All hail tornado, all hail tornado..." You know, in that kind of brain dead chant voice? Like, maybe their brains were sucked out by the tornado and now they must worship it? So I asked them why they were saying that. I was informed, that when a tornado comes, you bow down to it and chant "all hail tornado." Really? THAT is what they're teaching them in public schools these days?? I asked that they please not worship tornadoes.
Michael says that the dear cousin is going to be the head of her own little cult someday. The other thing that she's learned in school is that activities must each have their own Area to call home. This doesn't mean that she keeps things tidy, just that everything has an Area. She'll set up Areas all over the house - it actually adds to the mess. Once, they were watching a movie, and she set up an Area for anyone who didn't want to watch the movie. It didn't matter that they ALL wanted to watch it. So, he says she's going to lead a cult, and there will be little Areas for each of her members, and they'll have their own language of "fingernail on the blackboard" typed high pitch squeals. I think he's right. I think she could do it - she's a take charge kinda gal. But at least they'll be safe if there is a tornado or fire.

Okay, other things the kids have said.
Aaric was once again droning on and on about God Knows What, and I wasn't listening, and he was supposed to be getting ready for bed and going to his room. It had something to do with Veggie Tales. Something about the Cheeseburger Song and how it is NOT a Silly Song, its a Love Song with Mr Lunt. Blah blah blah... "and I think I figured out where the French Peas come from." "Oh yeah?" "Yeah. France." "Uh, ya think?" "Yeah, because on Veggie Tales they always say that, you know? And things on Veggie Tales are true. And I've learned lots of great lessons from them." "Yeah, well the lesson you need to learn right now, is that you need to get your hiney upstairs and into bed." "Yeah, well, they should make a Veggie Tales movie about that too!" Man, oh man, I wish they would. Virtues, Smirtues, teach my kid to just get his butt in BED, Oh Mighty Tomato and Cucumber!

I've just noticed that I'm lacking in the Mikayla-isms. Its all out of balance. I've just racked my brains and can't think of anything else brilliant or funny that she said today. She did inform me that she is NOT a sweet girl, or a cute girl, or a pretty girl; not even an ugly girl... but just a GIANT girl. Oh, she did something for the first time last night though. She's seen Lion King 58,398,789 times, but last night it hit her that Simba's dad died, and boy was she sad. No tears that I saw, but you could tell she felt just awful for poor little Simba.

Oh yeah, one more. Aaric did ask me what the monkey means when he says "Look beyond what you see." I said, "well, what do you think he means?" (After all, this IS the kid who is pondering our very existence, surely he can decipher the meaning.) He said, "I think he means, [add very dramatic voice, kinda like how the blue butted monkey says it in the movie] look beyoooonnd what you seeeeeee."

Ick

Ways to not get a good night's sleep:
1 - stay up way too late online
2 - eat a bit of Triple Chocolate Cookie Dough
3 - finally get into bed around 2AM, turn on the TV to lull you to sleep (trust me, I tried snoozing in silence last night and it took me around an hour to conk out), and unpack the hairdryer you just bought (exactly why does one need instructions for a hair dryer? And why does it have 2 speeds? Heat control is enough, really.)
4 - hear the 3 yr old beside you cough and NOT realize that something bad is up, or rather, on its way up
5 - hear her cough again and look toward her and see that she looks unhappy and is covering her mouth, with her eyes still shut and think to yourself "huh. wonder why she's coughing like that"
6 - finally realize/remember that she ALWAYS coughs just before puking
7 - actually take the time to ask "hey honey, are you okay? do you need to throw up?"
8 - grab her and run her to the bathroom (at least i remembered to face her outward)
9 - don't run quite fast enough, so that only the last few drops actually make it to the toilet. The rest is covering the rug, the sides of the toilet, the floor around the toilet, and some even on the side of the tub.

Now, after this whole ordeal, of course the kid need to be cleaned up a bit and given a sip of something to drink. And be put back to bed.
So to avoid the ick factor in the morning:
10 - put the dress she was still wearing and the rug into the washer
11 - search the house but not find the bleach which you feel should be used to clean puke, despite the fact that you hate bleach
12 - Find a few alternatives and take them all - Kroger brand bathroom cleaner, Wet Ones Antibacterial Wipes, and Method Lavender All Purpose Wipes
13 - Wipe down with the antibacterial, then the bathroom cleaner (it occurs to me that i did that backwards) and then the lavender (because it smells pretty, and because, dear heavens, we wouldn't want to sit our natural hineys down on anything other than natural cleansers, now would we? see, i can make fun of myself)
14 - search for a bucket but only find the HUGE one that is way too large for a 3 yr old to use in bed should the need arise
15 - decide to just use the bathroom trashcan
15 - Actually sit down at 2:40AM once all that is over, to take 10 minutes out of your potential sleeping time to blog about it all

Please dear God just let her sleep through the night because I don't want to wake up with puke on my face but I'm so tired I doubt I'll wake up if she does.
No seriously, I don't know whats up. We didn't eat anything funky. She's felt fine all day. She didn't have a fever. I hope she's not sick because I was just about to go to Tricare in the next day or two and switch them to a different PCM, but now I'll have to go to the one I already picked out even though I don't think I'll like them.
Okay, 2 more minutes gone there. I stared off into space for part of it.
Off to bed. Sorry about the lack of wit. I did mention that its 2:52 didn't I?
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3:23 - Oops She Did It Again
This had better not be an all night pattern.
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Its now noon, and I'm finally awake enough to function. The tea is helping. Celestial Seasonings "Morning Thunder" - I highly recommend it. Most delish tea I've ever tasted, plus it has a good bit of caff.
Okay, around 4 am, we had another repeat performance. The good news about the 3:23 one and the 4 am one is that I got her to the toilet in time. YAY for no cleanup!
So then, I fall asleep again, finally (no tv, and paranoid about her puking on my face) and drift off and finally hit nice, deep sleep...
DING DING DING DING - probably a thousand dings. I finally was alert enough to realize it was the door bell. I thought of ignoring but it became clear that the only way to get it to stop was to confront it. So I groped around in the dark and found a pair of pants to pull on (was wearing a tee), and ran (stumbled) down stairs. As I went past the clock I noticed that it was around 6:30. It occurred to me that if someone is ringing my doorbell at 6:30 am, it had better be a life or death type emergency.
It was the next door neighbor boy. They wanted to let me know that my car door is open. really? You needed to wake me up at 6:30 to tell me my door is open? just shut the thing and leave me a note so that I can check for missing objects later! I am quite certain that I didn't leave it open, though I do think i left one door unlocked. But I didn't see anything missing. Luckily, my purse was inside the house, so no worries on missing wallets. So, I was awakened at that ungodly hour, to shut my car door. The kid's lucky I was too asleep to say mean things to him. not that I would have, but i'd have been very tempted.
So I went back to sleep. And was awakened by a chipper 3 yr old whose stomach issues were fine now that it was way too early in the morning and mommy was very tired! I think she did it just to ensure some "free play while mommy sleeps" time. I kept trying to convince her that she was very very ill, and needed to sleep. It was 8:30. She kept arguing that she felt fine though, so finally I got her a movie. Shrek seems to be scratched. So Nemo it was. I hate that movie now. we've seen it way too many times. But she watched it again. then Aaric got up and after driving me crazy for a while, they went to play in the playroom. I finally woke up at 11 when I heard them yelling at each other a bout "a little fella" which apparently is what they call this little metal ball from the magnetix set.
Is it bed time yet? Its nearly 1, surely its nap time at least!

Information Overload

*I apologize in advance for the length of this entry. The title was meant to refer to the overload in my brain, then I look at the finished entry and it looks like I should have some room in there now, because I unloaded it all here. okay, on to the entry...

Now They've done it. I'm officially bewildered. In recent years, I've read about the evils of microwaves. Don't nuke your food - it alters the food on the molecular level and takes away nutrients. True or not, I'm enough of a food snob that nuking always felt so wrong. I reheat pizza in the oven. Microwaves are to be used only for heating water (because how much can you screw up boiling water?) and reheating things that can't be done in the oven or toaster oven, like pasta. Then I read a new little tidbit, thanks to Organic Style, one of my favorite mags. What did They have to go and mention to make my little head spin? A microwave heats only the food, not the air around it. Therefore, it is more energy efficient than an oven. Huh. Now, the air in my microwave does get a little warm, I do believe. But I can see how the fact that a microwave is so much smaller than an oven would make a difference in energy efficiency. And while the toaster oven is smaller than the oven, you do still have to heat stuff for longer in it than the microwave. So now, I think I'll just eat cold foods. Why should I have to choose between eating foods with unaltered molecules or being energy efficient? Its just not fair. (while proof-reading, I felt compelled to come explain that I don't just believe everything I read, I plan to research this more fully after I've finished learning all about making boobs dry up.
And speaking of my food snobbery, I keep putting off writing about it. So here goes.
I'm a food snob. Sure, I'll eat fast food here and there. My typical homemade dinner usually consists of Tyson frozen chicken breasts from the bag, put into a casserole dish, with a marinade of some sort dumped on top, and baked. On the side, we'll have Annie's boxed pastas (shells and cheese or some other variety) or some Uncle Ben's rice packet, and some fresh broccoli, carrots, and cauliflower, with ranch for dipping. Substitutions for the pasta/rice include french fries or mashed potatoes. Subs for chicken include premarinated pork loin, pork chops, and I just branched out and bought some turkey breast filets.
So, see, I have no right to be a food snob. I'm no gourmet chef. But I can NOT bring myself to buy canned veggies. There are very few things that I buy canned, and I always buy them canned: tomato sauce/paste, beans of any kind, and cranberry sauce. Thats as far as it goes. I buy fresh and frozen. Fresh for eating raw, frozen for cooked either alone or in recipes. And the kids and I hate cooked veggies.
This could be a problem one day. On Sunday, I was chatting online with a friend while getting ready to head to the grocery store. We had also just discussed silly tropical storm Ophelia (and i've had a silly story to go with her floating around in my head, but i won't share. its too late now) so she reminded me to get canned goods and water. Which, knowing her, was at least partially a joke anyway, since we both like to make fun of people who panic and fill their pantry every time a thunderstorm or single snow flake is in the forecast. But still, I figured that while I don't expect Ophelia to be any big deal, I should get a few things that we'd be able to eat uncooked for a couple days just in case. You never go long without power on a military base anyway, at least not here. And I promise, I did walk up and down the canned foods aisle a couple times. I grabbed a couple of the family size tuna pouches. I even got a couple cans of spaghettios (i do those on the stovetop too, to make up for their having been stored in an evil aluminum can). But I couldn't force myself to stock up on canned goods. I did however, get some fresh friuts and veggies - hey we can eat those with no power! - and some frozen fruit - which can be thawed and used like fresh. And I did get water, but partly because I think the water here has Kryptonite in it, or some other bad sounding substance. I'll probably rant about that one day.
In the meantime, I'm debating cooking a dinner up to stick in the fridge just in case the oven doesn't work when the horribly tropical storm Ophelia rocks my neighborhood. But I wouldn't want to eat it cold, so I won't. See. I'm such a snob.
(By the way, they've cancelled school for this oh so horrible storm, what with the 20 mph winds forecasted for our area. Come on people!)

All because of breastfeeding advocacy...

As the world becomes more and more pro-breastfeeding, a percentage of the population is being left out. This came to my attention recently, when a friend of mine chose to have her baby adopted. She is very much pro-breastfeeding – she nursed her firstborn for 19 months. When she began to consider adoption, one thing she wanted was to find an adoptive mother who would be willing to nurse the baby. Now, I’ve looked, and there is a LOT of information and support networks out there for adoptive mothers who want to breastfeed. But what about the birth mother? Is she just doomed to a few days of, as my friend put it, being a “proud owner of two giant, hot rocks?” And if she gets on her computer to look it up, what will she find? Not a lot, that’s what. I even went digging around on message boards for formula feeders looking for information. While I’m 1000% for nursing, I also think that we’ve got a problem when its become taboo to publish information on how women who are NOT nursing their baby can make those first few days postpartum a little more bearable.
So far, I’ve found this – cabbage leaves, ice packs, sage tea, benadryl/Sudafed, wearing a bra. I know they’ve quit making that drug that dries you up after childbirth. But really, is there nothing more to say about the topic?
Thus begins my quest for information to help the non-nursing population – whether it be because they are using formula, or because they’ve given the wonderful gift of adoption. If I ever find anything more, I’ll be writing an article about it. stay tuned...

The Hubby's witty though

I forgot to share this. The other day, he met Vince Vaughn in Iraq. The fairly normal thing is - The Hubby and 2 other guys had their picture taken with Vince. The slightly interesting thing is - they gave him a what looks to be an 8X10 pic of The Hubby and 2 other soldiers (dont know if its the same 2 or not) and autographed it for him - and the pic they gave him is in the pic. If that makes sense. The really funny thing is - in the bottom of the pic of them with Vince, you can see the top of a picture frame. yeah. The Hubby gave Vince a framed picture of himself, sitting on top of a humvee. And when he gave it to him, he said "They were all out of scented candles, so I got you this instead."

Witty Line

I was just complaining to The Hubby that I'm not witty. I read so many blogs that make me laugh all day. How many? Well lets just say that I read one today where the lady said something about her child being alarmed by a noise and so she went flying across the room (literally, like through the air) and then held onto the wall with her hands and feet - or something like that. Not nearly as funny when I tell *about* it. So anyway, I wanted to show him that blog entry. But when I searched through all the blogs I recalled looking at today, I couldn't find it. Thats how many blogs I check on. I really want to say it was dooce.com, but i can't find the entry that discusses such an event. The Hubby says I am witty, but a different kind of witty. He somehow knew that the type of wit I want is the Lorelai Gilmore type. If I could just talk like her all day, I'd be happy. He says that there are lots of writers that come up with those lines. I say, I need writers. Unfortunately, he feels that we do not have room in the budget for that. Plus, I think that a cleaning lady might come first. Nah, wit over cleanliness.
So anyway, point being... Then I was talking to my brother. He has an ex wife who can be a very nice person and I actually get along with her very well. However, she's quite the pessimist. She used to complain that he didn't see their son often enough. He lived several hours away. He moved back to The Hometown, so that he was like 30 minutes from her. And was broke. So then she complained that he wasn't giving them enough money. So now, he's considering moving back to the several hour away place, and she said he wouldn't see their son often enough. I said, and are you ready for this, here comes the Witty Line... "If you gave her a suitcase full of cash, she'd complain that its too heavy."
Sure, its not quite up there with Lorelai, but I think its decent, don't you? Don't answer that. Unless of course, you think it is.

Oh, i just found it. It was dooce. http://www.dooce.com/archives/daily/08_22_2005.html see, go read and laugh. I should do that. instead of writing about my life, i should just link to my favorite other blog entry of the day. That way, those of you who don't want to take the time to weed through a million blogs, can just come here to see what I recommend. While I can't promise to be witty, I can promise to find witty stuff! I wonder if any of these people offer lessons in witty blogging?

Cereal Box Propaganda

I never buy sugary cereals. Not even the "Look at me, I have 30% less sugar which is still way more than any preschooler needs at 8 am!" kinds. The most sugary that my kids get is Honey Nut Cheerios, and even that is a rarity. So imagine their glee when we stopped at the Shoppette (everywhere but on an Army base, these are known as "convenience stores") to grab milk and cereal for breakfast the next morning, and the pickings were slim, so I got Lucky Charms. Yes, Lucky Charms. Hey, at least its General Mills, so its made with WHOLE GRAIN!!! As it so politely reminds you in extra large letters on the front of the box. And this particular box is a limited edition. You see, it has DOUBLE SHOOTING STARS! Oh my dear, can we possibly handle so much excitement? This stuff has 120 calories per cup, and thats without the milk. Only 1 fat gram. 13 g of sugar. I've slacked off on my label reading, but I don't think anyone needs 13 g of sugar per one cup of anything. Except maybe ice cream. and coffee. coffee without sugar is bad. Anyway, point being, yes, I gave in and bought sugary cereal. Now, on the back of this box of magically delicious cereal, you find the "Legend of the Shooting Star." Which is just plain silly. Apparently, they make leprechauns fly. So then I turn it to look at the side of the box. And I think they're trying to suck our kids into some creepy magically delicious marshmallow cult.
"The Magic of the Charms" it says. "Lucky's Charms hold the secrets to fantastical fun; discover the special magic of each one."
Okay, now, lets discover the magic!
The Rainbow is for travel. What? Rainbows are for travelling? WOW! I mean, I knew that they led you to the pot of gold, but I didn't realize that they are also actually a method of transportation as well! Amazing.
Shooting Stars, as previously noted, are for flight. Really, i'm just not buying it. Do you actually ride on them? If so, how does one catch a Shooting Star? Or, just if you see one, you can fly? Do you have to be a leprechaun? Because all I ever heard was that you just wish on them. But, come on, really, they are usually just airplanes anyway. Which, now that I think of it does make sense. Yes, I can get totally on board with the "shooting stars are for flight." duh.
Balloons - "Float" - well now, really, is that magic? You see, its this gas called "helium." Say it with me class, "He - lee - um" and it makes balloons float! Its really not rocket science... or magic. So thats just silly. Couldn't they come up with something better than that. How about balloons being for laser vision or something like that? Makes about as much sense as some of these other ones.
Hearts are for Life. Okay, that one DOES make sense, seeing as how its darn hard to live without a heart. I like it symbolizing love, personally, but I suppose "life" will do. But, thats really not magic either, its biology. Or anatomy. Or some of both, I don't know. Hey, I never claimed to be a scientist!
Now, this is where they really lose me.
The Blue Moon - yes, that electric blue half moon, its for invisibility. WHAT?!?! I'm telling you, they slowly suck the kidlets in with travelling on Rainbows, flying on Shooting Stars, floating in/on/under/whatever Balloons, living because of the Heart... and then say, "and lookie, the electric blue moon will make you invisible!"
Purple Horseshoe (because so many horseshoes are purple) are for speed. Really? I always thought they were for good luck. I guess horses are fast. But who needs horses when you invisibly travel on Rainbows and fly on Shooting Stars?
The Green Hat with Four Leaf Clover is for luck. Finally - a meaning that makes sense! We all know that 4 leaf clovers make us lucky! They threw that one in there just so that in case you were thinking "hmm, this all sounds a little fishy," you'd now say "oh yeah, yeah, this is okay, not creepy at all..."
But finally, the Pot of Gold, its for illumination. Illlumination? No, you see, the gold, that makes you rich. The Pot of Gold is for shopping. Or perhaps for the melting and making of jewelry. But illumination??
And the sad thing is, the kids around the world are reading this cereal box, while in a sugar induced hyper trance, and they get sucked into The Evil Lucky Charms Kiddie Cult.
I'm SO glad my kids can't read. They'd get a Ballon and jump out the window with it in the middle of the night so that they could float up to that Shooting Star (airplane) that they just saw so that they could fly over to to the Moon to get invisible so that they could stealthily get to the Rainbow and find the Pot of Gold and be illuminated. But instead, they'd fall down very very hard onto our patio and then I'd have to sue that evil leprechaun