Delusional

Last night, I was in bed with both little boys, and Xander had finally fallen asleep. Gabriel had slept on the way to a doctor's appointment at 1, but woke up about 20 minutes later. Then he fell asleep on the way home from climbing at 6, and woke up about an hour later. I think most parents can guess what that means. He was up until around midnight. So he was still very much awake and playful around 11. This is the conversation we had:
Me - Gabriel, lay your little head down on that pillow.
Gabriel, doing his wide eyed, look up and then to the side while he's thinking thing - No.
Me - Gabriel, who is in charge here?
Gabriel - Mommy is in chahge!
Me - Right. I am in charge. That means that when Mommy says something, you do it.
Gabriel, doing the eye thing again - mmm, NO.
Me - You aren't supposed to tell me no.
Gabriel - Yes.
Me - Gabe, if I'm in charge, you do what I say.
Gabriel - No.
Me - Okay, then you're going to be in trouble.
Gabriel, thinking for a second - Okay.
Me - Okay, you'll be in trouble?
Gabriel - Yes. chubble.
Me (because I was curious) - Okay, well, what kind of trouble do you think you should be in?
Gabriel - Um, laying at the bottom of the bed? [which he usually does when he's mad at me. As if moving himself away so that we're not touching is somehow a punishment.]
Me - What about time out?
Gabriel - No.
Me - I think you're confused about what this whole "in charge" thing means.


I am so glad that 5 year olds are pretty agreeable little creatures. I couldn't take it if Xander and Gabriel were both convinced that they ruled the world.

Procrastination and Forgetfulness Strike Again

You like how I wrote all about Gabriel but never made it back to talk about the other three at all? It's like that old joke about how the 3rd kid (and beyond) have no baby book or photos, but in reverse. Oh well. They're all great. I would write, "someday soon I'll come back and do new write-ups on all four" but I think we all know that won't happen.

If by chance there is anyone reading who is not also on facebook or hasn't talked to me in some other way... I'm going back to school, which adds a whole new element of insanity to our home. It's all online, and everything is due every Monday at midnight (with the exception of some short writing assignments due on Wednesdays). So basically, every Monday the kids fend for themselves while I work really fast, usually turning the last of the assignments in by around 11:57.

Rather than waste space blabbering on and on in my typical fashion, I'll just direct you over to Michael's blog for the latest news: http://thethorninmyside.blogspot.com/ You'll see that he's not nearly as long-winded as I am. And in a nutshell, you'll also see that he's getting out of the Army ASAP and we'll do long term missions instead. We have no clue when "ASAP" will be, but are really hoping it's not the full 3.5 yrs that he's technically obligated to at the moment. There are a few possible (legal! ethical!) ways out of that, but it will take a little time to figure it all out. We also have no clue exactly when or where or specifically what, will be next. "Missions" is a pretty broad term. US-based or international? Through the Southern Baptists (being raised in the SB church, it's what is most familiar to me, so I automatically think of it) or some other organization? Starting immediately after the Army with no gaps (unlikely) or later? How much later? All of those are great big unknowns. We're trusting that God's got some big plans and he'll sort it all out and reveal it to us. Well, actually, I assume he's already got it all sorted out. It's not like he's sitting up there going, "hmm... now, how are we going to do this?"

Here, I'll delve into the theological side for a moment. After all, I'm currently taking "Survey of Bibical Literature" so I feel qualified. While I know that God has it all figured out, I know some of it is up to us, too. The most obvious example is the Israelites wandering in the desert. It's not like God was just moving that Shekinah Glory all around because he was lost out there. They were continually screwing up, so he continually kept them out there. Moses screwed up, guaranteeing that he'd never set foot in the Promised Land. I mean, look how many amazing things he did in the years prior, but that one mistake kept the whole nation from entering the land.
I am so thankful that we're under the New Covenant these days. For one thing, if we all still had to sacrifice animals to pay for our sins, I think there might be a few more extinct animals! For real though, that is just one of many examples of how people's stupidity has kept them from receiving blessings. All of which leads me to some specific prayer requests. I've had a few people ask if there was anything specific, so I've been thinking about it for a couple days.

In no particular order:
*that we can stay focused on using our time between now and whenever, wisely. I've thought many times in the (fairly recent) past, "man, I keep praying for God to show me some ministry opportunities, but I just don't feel like it's happening!" And I can't remember now where in the Bible I was reading (or reading about... see Bib Lit class) but it occurred to me that if I'm not focused on glorifying God with the responsibilities He's already blessed me with (a home, children) and I'm not doing anything to minister to others who are even in my own neighborhood, then why would he give me even more!? If He can't trust me with the "little" jobs, then He's not going to give me more. So I've really been trying to make some changes, even in the past few months, not just in the last couple weeks, to correct that. As for Michael, I certainly can't speak for him, but I know for sure he wants/needs to get some seminary knocked out. As much as he can until whenever the "asap" time comes. It is so hard (believe me I know now!) to fit in school work with everything else going on. So, yeah, pray that we can fill this next phase of our life with giving our all, all the time. Even in the little things. (I mean, lets be real, does anyone WANT to wander in the desert?)

*Wisdom in communication with the kids. Let this also serve as a reminder - as of right now, all the kids know is that we're not moving anywhere this spring and Michael isn't going into Civil Affairs anymore. They don't know why. I see no reason to put them on a roller coaster ride that could last nearly 4 years. There's too much uncertainty. Once things get confirmed, we'll share. But we know that as time goes by, there may be some things that are confirmed but still far off enough that they're better off not knowing. Or some that we may feel compelled to tell them about before it's firm. And I also just have to be really careful when I'm talking on the phone! (so if you call and ask questions and I'm vague, that's why.) This is also why I haven't put anything specific on facebook - Aaric has a FB account now, and when I log in as him and look at his newsfeed, it's mostly me. Apparently his preteen friends don't talk a lot. Or I do. whatever.

*Direction!!! As I said, we have no clue what the future holds. If you know me at all, you know that I always concern myself with sorting out all the details. There is currently nothing to sort, and it's making me twitch a little. No, really, I'm fine. But let me lay out what we do know: Most mission boards have a fairly long application process. Two years isn't at all uncommon. Our wild guess is that the fastest he can get out is 1 year. Math tells me that to minimize a gap in the job-flow, we should start that process like, yesterday. So direction is needed. Do we not get out truly as soon as possible, but delay so the timelines work out better? Which board/org do we go through? Where does God want us working!? We're up for about anything (please God, no frigid climates!) but right now we're clueless. Just figuring out or at least narrowing down, which to work through would be a huge relief to me.


I think those are the biggies for now. I'm honestly amazed that I'm not more obsessed with it. The usual me would already have a spreadsheet compiled, with a list of all the organizations that interest us, what specific ministries they have, whether they're funded or we'd have to raise support, other rules/limitations to consider, where in the world they send people, etc. This me just has an informal list bouncing around in my head. It's a little mind-boggling but I'm really trying to just not think about it too much. The details, that is. The general idea of it though, I think on that a lot. Over the past year or so, I've gradually been adding more blogs to my list of ones that I MUST read regularly. Missionary blogs.
I'll pass along a couple of my faves:

http://www.midwife4jesus.blogspot.com/ - Stephanie is a midwife missionary in South Sudan. October is bringing a huge baby boom in their clinic, and she could sure use your prayers! I first found her one day while daydreaming, and I found a school/ministry in the Philippines that is a US accredited midwifery school, but also trains the midwives to be missionaries. They operate a clinic and birth center there. After finding it, I searched around for more information on the school from other sources, and landed on Stephanie's blog. And then later forgot all about her. Until earlier this year when I reconnected with an old friend, and as I poked around on her website, I saw that she'd just gone on a mission trip to Sudan. To the clinic where Stephanie is!

www.theveryworstmissionary.com - Jamie and her husband are missionaries in Costa Rica (yes please!) Her tagline says, "Inappropriate remarks, embarrassing antics, and generally lame observations from a Christian missionary in Costa Rica." So let me just add this disclaimer - if some PG13 rated language is going to offend you, don't click there. I love her perspective, and she's hilarious. Her post on raising support was reassuring (oh good, it's not wrong that I dread the thought of that being what God has in store for us!) and terrifying (they need more money! which is what I'd already heard from others, but her hilarity softens that blow). We have this picture in our heads of what "missionaries" look like and I like that she shatters that. They don't have it all together all the time. They think rude things about people sometimes, too. They're HUMAN!

http://bohemianbowmans.com/ - I found Jessica when a friend posted a link to her blog a few months ago. She's a homeschooling mom, they're in limbo land in between the Air Force and missions. So again, reassuring (other people on this same path!) and terrifying (they've been in limbo-land for over 2 yrs!) Every week, she features a "Plank Pullin'" post. She wrote a book called "Parenting Wild Things: Embracing the Rumpus"

When Time Flies By

I just realized the other day that we're nearing the 5 month mark. Almost halfway through a deployment, and so far, so good. Things could be better, but they're not bad. I feel like we're doing okay, rather than barely keeping our heads above water. (Or mostly, MY head.) (Clarification - it's not that I'm keeping my own head above water but holding the kids under. Rather, the kids swim along just find, but for once, even with him gone for an extended time, I feel like I'm swimming pretty well too. I re-read and thought that sounded way too creepy, with the our heads vs just my own head thing!)
So it's time for some kid updates. I'll start at the bottom and work my way up.
Gabriel
I just looked over at the sidebar at his quote. "Mama, I hi Da!" How quickly toddlers change! Five months later, it's more like, "Mama, I talk Daddy on pone?" He's also realized that other people do call me too, and asks to talk to Gamma and Nana, too. He's using more full sentences than sentence fragments full of partial unrecognizable words. And I think that other people can understand him too, at least sometimes. His names for the family are: "Dah" for Xander, "Deedee" for Mikayla, "Ahk" for Aaric, and Daddy and Mama/Mommy/Mom (MOM!? Already!?) for the obvious. He also says some of our friends' names pretty well. In short, the language explosion has hit.
Also, Mikayla decided to potty train him. To sum up, I'll share something she asked me the other day: "Mom, I don't mean to be rude about Xander, but... well, why is Gabriel so much easier!?" I taught her about how sometimes big changes can affect it, and so can personalities. Xander was this age when Gabriel was born, so it's not too surprising that he wasn't into it at that time. Back to Gabriel. At home, he often remembers to run to the bathroom all on his own. I rarely remind him, and Mikayla doesn't much either. When we're out, I sometimes put him in undies, and ask him pretty obsessively if he has to go. I'm all about the no-pressure potty training, but I think he'll be done by the end of summer, and we could probably get him to wrap it up faster if I was obsessive enough about it at home.
He's obsessed with cookies. He likes playing with his toy trains. When Xander is doing school, he requires a writing utensil and paper (usually, a copy of exactly what Xander is doing) so that he can do "pee-cool." Preschool. I never told him to do preschool, he's just decided that he should be doing it. He loves to dance and sing and be silly. He's learned to push himself along the road on Xander's old scooter. He's picky about his shoes (just like Xander was) and hates overalls (just like Xander now does), and constantly uses the phrase "too beeeeeeeg!" to describe them. New shoes, overalls that I want him to wear, they're all too big. As the youngest of four, or perhaps more importantly - as the younger brother of Xander - he's also learned the skill of throwing a good punch.

It started like a typical Saturday - rushing around to get stuff done at home so we could do the fun stuff we wanted to do. We needed to get ready for a Sunday School class Easter party/egg hunt at Emily's house. I finally had the food done, and the kids dressed, when my eye started itching. I finally decided to take the contact out to rinse it, when I noticed weird swelling, like a bubble, on my eye. I freaked a little, talked to Merrilea, did some reading on it, and decided my eye was not about to fall out and I could go to the party as planned.
The party was great. Cute kids hunting for eggs, parents hanging out talking. Always watching the sky, to see if the storms would hold off until we were done. It rained a little, and people started heading out. Back at the beginning of the party, Cassy had an unfortunate run in with the umbrella at the picnic table, and was at the ER, so I was taking her daughter home with me. Finally, it was just my family +1, Emily, and the Lings. I gathered all our stuff and all the kids and loaded up the van, then went back in for a final sweep for our stuff. When I started to pull away, voices from the back yelled "what about Aaric!?" What about Aaric? Oh, he'd somehow slipped back inside. The rain was getting harder, so I rushed back in for him, which is when the hail started. We were all still laughing and I pulled out and started home.
The hail was pretty bad, but we just thought it was a typical spring storm. I had no idea that by then, a tornado had already formed and was heading directly toward us.
As I was nearing Yadkin Rd, where I would turn to get back through the Fort Bragg gate, I noticed some rotation in the clouds straight ahead of us. The clouds didn't look dark or scary, and those clouds were just another rotation - the real tornado was just out of my sight at that time. I pointed it out to the kids, still feeling pretty upbeat, but told them that we should probably keep a close eye on the weather because clearly conditions were right for a tornado.
Less than a minute later, I saw it. Straight ahead, to the left just a little. I really think it was just a few seconds later, but exact times are one of the parts of the day that are fuzzy to me now. Even after driving back over the route yesterday, I'm still not real clear on how long it took, but I do remember what I saw. It looked like brown clouds, moving sideways, and large chunks of debris flying around. I assume it was parts of roofs, and they were very high up. It took a few seconds for my brain to process it, and I realized that I was looking at the side of a tornado. Reports now say that it was about 4 blocks wide, so I could only see that one side of it, due to the trees blocking my view. But that edge of it that I could see was coming almost straight at us.
So then I was about to be at the stop sign on Yadkin, and was trying to figure out what to do. I remembered hearing that if you're in a vehicle and a tornado is heading toward you, you should get out and lie flat in a ditch. But I had FIVE kids with me! I would have to unbuckle Gabriel and while I'm confident in my ability to act quickly, getting out of the car, opening the back, unbuckling Gabriel, all while directing the kids to do the same, and praying that Xander would actually cooperate so that I wouldn't have to run around to the other side to fold down the middle seat so I could reach him to drag him out.... and then all of us running to the ditch all while a tornado literally RIGHT THERE!? Whether that would have technically been the right option or not, I just didn't feel it was feasible. I knew that if I could get to Yadkin, turn right, I'd be right at the gate and could get on post and get away in time. (of course, that's assuming the tornado wouldn't turn. which it didn't, but still. it wasn't a fail-proof plan). A car was coming so I had to wait, but then got onto Yadkin a lot faster than I normally would have, and pulled up behind the other car. For a second, I was thinking we'd be quickly moving up in the line. But I wasn't thinking about the fact that the guards at the gate needed to get to safety, obviously. But before they did, they'd locked the gates down. We had no where to go.
When we just saw rotation, I'd assured the kids we were safe. It wasn't a tornado. Once I saw it, I'm pretty sure I said, "THAT is a tornado." I don't remember much of what I said, it's a blur. I don't recall the kids talking. I remember telling them we'd be okay, when I was assuming I'd be able to get on post and to safety. Once I was stopped there on the road with no where to go, I wasn't so sure anymore. Looking at the map now, and having seen it 3 days later, I know that we were about 400 feet from where the damage began. At the time, I didn't know if it was coming right at us, passing behind us, or what. It was darker and there was heavy rain and hail and debris.
So, we sat. I told them to pray. I gripped the steering wheel and had my foot hard on the brake, as if either of those would help! It wasn't that I was scared so I gripped, I honestly felt like I needed to do whatever I could to keep the van still. Rationally, that makes no sense. That tornado could have flipped us or picked us up and dropped us off somewhere else like it did many other vehicles. But if I could stop it from budging, I would! I kept glancing into the rear view to see if I could see anything, and over to the side view mirror, but the rain and wind were so bad I couldn't see anything.
I could see Aaric, he was in the 3rd row, right in the middle, so his face was the only one I even saw. I don't think I moved anything other than my eyes the whole time. Aaric looked worried. Maybe not panicked, but not far from it. And I sat there chanting under my breath, "please keep us safe, please keep us safe" over and over. Other than that, I don't recall much of what it was like as it went by. It seemed like forever, but I'm sure it was really less than a minute. Mikayla says she saw debris flying past her window. When I asked how big, she demonstrates that it was brick-sized objects. I'm assuming sticks, shingles, parts of signs that were breaking. I don't recall the sounds at all. I think my ears had just shut down. I vaguely recall hearing, just, the usual roar and chaos of a bad storm - wind, rain and hail, etc. I didn't hear the "train" sound, that I recall. Aaric says he heard debris hitting our roof.
And then, it calmed , and the car ahead of me moved forward. It took me a few seconds to convince my muscles to operate again. When I got to the gate, and I asked the guard, "so, that wasn't my imagination, right? A tornado just went right behind my car, right?" and he says, "well i didn't see it... but i heard some power lines are down." I guess I just wanted some validation that I did indeed just sit through a tornado.
Once I was safely through the gate, I realized that Emily and the Ling's were still at her house, and knew that it was headed straight for them. I didn't have either of their numbers, so I called Darla, who did, and asked her to please let them know. I found out later that they'd heard it coming and hid in the bathroom, which is where they were when she called.
Then I realized that there could still be more storms coming in, so I called Larry to ask him to check the weather for me. He found our county was under 3 tornado warnings, but no details on exact locations. By then, I was home, and it was still raining, and we had no power. I called mom to ask her to check weather too, because Larry had limited information on his phone. Mom couldn't find more details either though. By then, the rain had stopped. It continued off and on for a while, and I kept a watch on the sky. I saw only gray clouds moving quickly in one direction. Soon, I saw blue skies, white clouds, and sunshine. And the bored kids saw mud puddles.
The neighborhood quickly became filled with families talking about their experiences. Many on our street had no idea that a tornado had just gone by a couple miles away. Some were off post and were stuck for a couple hours due to downed trees and traffic.

Once the reports came out, I'm even more amazed that we made it through completely unharmed. Just 400 feet back, there's a damaged gas station. Shingles are off of the roof even closer, but I'm honestly not sure if that roof was in perfect condition before that day. The path of destruction in Fayetteville is an 8-10 mile stripe all the way across some heavily populated parts of town. In all, that one tornado traveled 65 miles. Over 165 homes in Fayetteville are destroyed, with around 150(I don't think they're done with estimates yet though) damaged. Plus all the businesses - and many on Yadkin were destroyed.
Map of the tornado's path
If you click to view the larger image, you can see "Koretizing Dry Cleaning Destroyed" that's on Yadkin, and we were just further up to the north of there. If you keep following the path to All American, the arrow drawn on there just before All American, is on top of Emily's house.

Emily's house is fine. Not a scratch, no downed trees, no damage at all. Just four houses down? Aerial View of the back side of Shortridge

Video tour of the damage on Yadkin and Reilly Roads

Aerial of Yadkin
On the left side of the road, the 2nd building, or used to be a building but is now just a few walls, that was 1000 feet from where we were sitting.

Map of part of the neighborhood
Brunswick is the road I was on when I saw it, and then turned onto Yadkin. Shortridge, all the way in the back, where it's right at All American, is where I was coming from. Monday, I was back in the neighborhood helping out in the home of a friend, which was destroyed. That one is on Northampton. After we finished, the kids wanted to see Emily's block. We carefully drove back there, and then followed the same path back out as Saturday. If we'd been a minute slower on Saturday, we would have been right in the middle of it's path. Homes on both sides of the road on parts of Newcastle are badly damaged or destroyed. Trees were down all along Welsh and Brunswick.
At my friend Recia's house, where Aaric, Mikayla, and I worked yesterday, there's a huge tree that is now partly in her bedroom, bathroom, and closet. Their front wall in their living room is down. The ceiling in the living room and kitchen is down. Their trampoline is missing. Amazingly, a lot of their belongings are still okay, just in need of washing. And their 4 dogs are fine, and the family wasn't home so they're all fine.
Even though we were physically unharmed, and my van doesn't even appear to have any new scratches (or if it does, they blend with the old ones), I've still felt off the past few days. Maybe not fully traumatized, just, not myself. I've been very focused on reading about it, and looking at pictures and videos and talking about it. I kept thinking though, that once the Yadkin gate was open again (it's been closed because the road is blocked down there so there's nowhere to go) I could drive back out there. I could stop wondering just how close it got to us, I'd know. Somehow, I knew that knowing would make my mind settle down. Working at Recia's helped too. I needed to be productive. I sat through it, and then drove off. While others were away from it, and then had to get back into the area to see if they're house was still standing or not. (half the homes are damaged) And then I sat at home feeling helpless. I'm glad I was able to help out. I wish I could do more, but I know I've got 4 kids to raise. My trauma was temporary. Others are now homeless. Many have literally lost everything - their homes, their businesses, their cars. And though I didn't lose a thing, I feel like I'm standing right there with them - thankful to be alive today.

Whether you are local or far away, if you're interested in helping out, let me know and I'll tell you ways you can help.
Now, I need to go run an errand off post before the traffic gets absurd again. You know how the pictures and map showed Shortridge right there at All American? That flattened house, and the other destroyed ones beside it? You can see all of that from All American. So, traffic slows drastically as you're going past that section. All the other roads near the destruction are closed or greatly limited, so a lot of people want to get a glimpse of it. I just want groceries.

*Correction, I just read that the damage path is more like a mile wide.

I'm an old woman.

Yeah, I know I'm only 31. But seriously.
First, my hands are sore a lot lately. My fingertips go numb, like as if they've fallen asleep. But it's just the pads of my fingers. My thumb feels bruised. My joints always feel tight in my hands, and sometimes up to my elbows. I've had an ongoing problem with the right arm. I can't remember what Merrilea said it sounded like, but I know it was something bad. rotator cuff problem? I don't know. One of these days, I'll remember to get it checked out. I rarely hold Gabriel on the right side, I can't. It hurts. I forget about it until I switch sides, and then remember. It's not bad, just mild and annoying.

But the worst of it is my abs. Now, after Gabriel was born, both of my midwives asked if I was certain that I was done. Which I understand, that's a health care provider's responsibility, to make sure that people are thinking things through. I assured them I was retiring the old incubator. And they gushed about what a wonderful job my body does! It's made for birthing!
Well, ladies, that may be true, however...
Today, I pulled a muscle in my abdomen. I know you're wondering what terribly hard chore I was working on to have done it. I'd love to tell you a tale of heavy lifting and running and, I don't know, dodging bullets or something. But no, I injured myself by washing my hair. Apparently, going from lying to sitting is not something that my belly likes to do. so it revolted. And now, at about hip bone level, but toward the middle, I ache.
Also, you know how when you're very pregnant, and you roll over in bed too quickly and the oblique muscle right near your hip bone is suddenly on fire? Yeah, that only happened during pregnancy. And after the 4th kid.
My abdomen can no longer endure hair washing or rolling over in bed. I am so, so glad that I decided that my poor body was not going to be carrying any more babies, other than on the hip or back. In a wrap, not in some freaky sci-fi pregnancy or something.

Now, my poor pulled abdomen and numb fingers are going to bed. Hopefully I'll remember to roll slowly.

Put on your Smiley Face!

He was sitting near the back of the closet, playing quietly. So of course I knew he was pooping. I asked. He said no. I urged him to come on out. He refused. He said he was enjoying playing with his boat. So I went in and got the boat and took it to the living room. He said he wanted to play with his other boat too, so he stayed put. I went back in, got the other boat, and took it out. Then he wanted to know where his pirates were, so I finally just dragged him out. I patted his bottom and he said, "Aw, man, you found out!"
"I didn't find out, I knew. I can see it on your face."
"Oh. I shoulda put on my smiley face."

I got a new mouse pad.

I know you're wondering why you should care about my exciting new purchase, so I'll tell you.
It's not just a mouse pad. It's a note pad mouse pad! It's a pad of recycled paper, with the plasticky stuff connecting the pages on two sides instead of one (so it holds together well, as a mouse pad should.) And down one side, it has some lines and at the top it says, "to do." I have a cleaning list there.
But the rest of it is a big square, with a cute little birdy down in the corner. And do you know what I decided to use that big square for?
Blog post ideas. I think of things to write about but then forget about them. So now I'm jotting ideas down when they come to me, and hopefully, this will allow me to remember to eventually get around to writing about those things.
Because many of my stories are indeed too long to fit on a facebook status message.

While I'm here, I'll just go ahead and briefly update:
We're doing pretty well. We just passed the 7 week mark, and I feel like we're doing okay. We're staying very busy. The kids do a rock climbing team Mondays and Thursdays, Aaric has scouts on Tuesdays, Mikayla has scouts on Fridays, and we have church on Sundays and Wednesdays. Plus PWOC (women's bible study) on Tuesday mornings, and LLL meetings once or twice a month. School is going well, we're enjoying learning about early American history.

Aaric's been struggling the past few months. We know he has ADD, but the two meds we've tried so far don't work at all at low dosages, and have intense side effects at higher dosages. I'm leaning towards giving up on meds and looking back to the more natural approaches, but actually going at them pretty hard core instead of just vaguely attempting them. He is doing well in climbing and Scouts and honestly he's doing well in school, too. But I know he struggles so much to stay on task, and on meds he still struggles with that but also has to struggle with temper flare ups and lack of self-control, and over-reactions. I'm looking forward to the next couple weeks, until we go back to the doctor. He'll be med-free for at least that amount of time, and I've got some ideas that I think will be good.

Mikayla has been very helpful since Michael left. She helps out with the little boys as much as she can. She understands that sometimes girls just need a long soak in a hot tub, and she helps distract Gabriel some days so that I can do that. She got new pet guinea pigs and the whole family is enjoying them. She's finally started to enjoy reading a little bit, and has really liked getting into the Girl Scout action. She does definitely have ADD too, but I still don't think it's enough to justify meds. So, as I'm researching how to help Aaric, I'll be applying it to her, too. She's more the "eyes glaze over and she zones out" type, unlike Aaric's "my brain keeps changing the channels" issue.

Xander is, well, he's Xander. He's my Xanderooni. Intense is a good word for him. That can be good or bad, it just all depends on his plans for the day. He's starting to show interest in doing actual preschool activities, so we've started pulling out school stuff more often for him. He will only sit and listen for a brief period, but we're working on it. I'm fairly certain that he also has ADD, but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. It's so hard to tell if a four year old is just acting like a four year old, or if there's more to it. But he's also really the most cuddly and loving of all the kids, too. Gabriel is, too, but not as much as Xander was at that age.

Gabriel is finally starting to talk in short sentences and 2 syllable words and he just makes me smile all day. Except when he climbs into the guinea pig cage. But most of the time, he's sweet and lovable and cute.

And I feel like I'm doing a decent job juggling it all. I do have a sitter who comes in twice a week to either babysit or help me out around the house. I love having her, because just knowing she's coming means that I have to get the house looking decent. And if I have it decent twice a week, it can only get so bad in between. So it forces me to clean, and that's good. It also will allow me to grocery shop alone, if I ever have a list ready on the days she comes over! I thought my ADD would kick into high gear once Michael left, but I really think I'm doing really well. I have my moments, but I'm not forgetting to eat and sleep, so that's good. The house stays decent, the kids do school, I make meals every day, we make it to all our events (even on time usually!). I've even been (mostly) staying current on the two Bible studies that I'm doing.
I'm doing Sacred Parenting at PWOC. Great book. I'll review it when I"m done. And Crazy Love on Wednesday nights at church. Also really good.

So, that's our nutshell. It's a lot, but hey, there are 5 of us living here, we require a large shell.

New Quotes

May I also bring your attention to the left sidebar where I've updated the quote for Xander. And Gabriel is finally stringing enough recognizable syllables together for me to add one for him, too!

He's hilarious on the phone. It goes like this:
Big smile and a wave toward the phone, "Hi Da!"
Nodding and smiling until he's tired of it.
"BAH!" (bye)
Less than a minute later:
"mama, I hi da?" Repeat.

Unless he's just been made angry by someone (probably xander) in which case a long string of da's and ba's come out, with his brow furrowed, and usually with a lot of pointing. He's pretty sure he needs to keep Daddy "informed" of how badly he's been wronged.

Didn't like any of my potential titles for this one.

I feel that today, like many days so far in this deployment, was a success. Of course, I've learned to set the bar lower, but still.
I've got a sitter coming in twice a week for 3 hours each time, to either help me out around the house, stay with the kids while I run errands or shop for food, or play with the little boys while the big kids and I do some uninterupted school work, or pretty much whatever I need her to do. So today, she hung out with the kids while I stopped by a neighbor's house to dig through her piles of clothes she was giving away (got a ton of pants, and a few shorts and shirts for Aaric, plus a nice microscope), and then I went to get my new Blackberry. I have no clue how to work half the stuff on there, but that's another story.
Knowing I wouldn't be back until near dinner time, I planned for us to go out. First time going to a real restaurant since Michael left. I went to Smokey Bones because kids eat free on Mondays. It went pretty well other than Gabriel refusing to eat or even sit anywhere other than my lap, the server being a bit to slow with the boxes and check, and the kids (understandably) getting wiggly (and "crawl under the benches-y" and "dance in the aisle-y") but whatever, we didn't get any glares from neighboring tables so I call it a success.
Then we stopped by Food Lion to grab the basics for breakfast and snacks for PWOC tomorrow. Real food shopping will have to wait a couple days. Gabriel refused to sit in the seat, he had to be in the main part of the cart. And then he refused to sit. And then he kept leaning over the side. And then he wanted to walk, which of course turned into him running way ahead and me having to abandon the cart and other kids to catch him and wrangle him into the seat and buckle. Luckily, I was heading for the register by then anyway.
So, as I'm loading stuff onto the belt, Xander hands me a pack of Bubble Yum and asks if I want that kind. I say "No thanks, I don't want that kind, put it back please!" and continue with my business. I pay, we head out the door, I'm feeling pretty decent that we made it out of there alive, and I drive home. [I'm aware that I just changed tenses in that paragraph, and it's bugging me, but I just can't bring myself to re-write it. Sorry.)
Xander headed straight for the recliner and hid behind it. Hiding is his trademark pooping MO, so I assumed that's what he was doing. "No, it's just, this is my fort." I told him it wasn't fort time, it was bed time, and continued with putting food away. Then I went to look for him. He was hiding behind a door. I pulled him out, prepared to guide him toward the bathroom, when i saw it.
the huge wad of blue in his mouth. I pulled him up and saw two more big wads on the floor, and one unopened piece. I still haven't found the outer wrapper.
This is the first time that one of my kids has actually made it home with stolen property. I reached in his pockets to make sure there was no more, and found a dollar. He could have paid for it! He had no clue that was there, and (rightly) guessed that I would have said no for tonight anyway. We talked about stealing, and I told him we'd be going back in tomorrow so he can apologize and pay. He still acted like it was no big deal. I said, "Xander, do you know that people can go to jail for stealing?" He replied, "Yeah. I habn't seed a jail before. I wanna see what it looks like!" Great.
Gabriel wanted a juice box. I'd just bought some tiny ones, so I gave him one. Xander went into the kitchen to get one off the counter, and I told him he couldn't have one, because he already had his treat, gum, and that was it for the night. He says, "Mom, juice is not the problem."
I sat him down, got him looking at me, and said, "no, you're right, baby. Juice is not the problem. Your heart is the problem. Disobedience is the problem." To which he rolled his eyes, laid back to the floor and said, "I'm too tiiii-rrrrred."

Around that time, Mikayla told me she was going to take a shower. Gabriel said happily, "bah?" (bath.) I very clearly said, "no, no bath right now." And he said, "yay! bah!" Uh, am I missing something here? So we went through it a few more times, each with him celebrating about his bath. He even went into the bathroom and took off his diaper and pants and got into the tub, and looked genuinely confused when I said no again. Kinda like when he asks to nurse, and I say no. We'll go a few rounds with it. "Neh?" "No, not now." And then, just as cheerfully and hopefully, "Neh?" "I just said no." And again, "neh?" It takes a while, but he'll eventually starting the whining. Or when he brought my camera to me yesterday, and I said, "oh thank you for my camera!" and he said, "no, MINE!" "No, Gabriel, it's my camera." "MINE!" Bright-eyed, and certain that he was right. Not arguing with me, just clearly proclaiming what he believed to be true. I have to admire his optimism.

Finding Joy In the Little Things

The innocent oblivious nature of a 4 year old:
Aaric had been holding it all in, but now, Daddy was on a big white bus that was about to leave the parking lot to go one direction, and we were in the van to go another direction. It hit him as we all discussed our plans for the afternoon. I suddenly realized he wasn't participating in the conversation anymore, and looked back to see that the reality of it all was hitting him. "I'll believe it when I see it," he'd said months ago when we first told him that yet again, Michael was scheduled to deploy. Now he saw it.
Xander piped up, "Aaric, remember what Daddy told us. 'Be good!' You have to be good, Aaric." I said, "Xander, he's fine, he's not being bad, he's just sad." And he says, "Aaric, there's nothing to be sad about!"
Totally oblivious. Sure, we'd told him his Daddy was leaving for a year, and he understood that this wasn't a happy thing for us, but he didn't expect anyone to actually BE sad!
We could take it personally that our child has no strong feelings about his dad leaving for a year (except I kinda suspect he has some strong feelings of "yes! It's 4 against 1, we can do anything this year!") but we don't. If he's totally unfazed by all this, then honestly, it makes my life easier.

The exploding language skills of an almost 2 year old:
Even as recently as last week, if you held a phone up to Gabriel's ear, he's smile and nod and wave, maybe laugh, but certainly not speak. He'd talk into his play phones, but never a real one.
Michael called from the air force base just before flying out, and I put all the kids on the line for him to say goodbye too one more time. Finally it was Gabriel's turn, and I gave him the phone so he could hear and maybe laugh a little. He grabbed the phone and said, "Hey Dada!" Then babbled something, and then, as I reached for the phone, "bye bye!" He talked to him again last night, when he called from Kuwait. The boy has good timing.

Are we there yet?

Yeah, i may have to change the title of the blog, because now there's a show on TBS and the commercials are totally obnoxious with what seems like 10 minutes of all of them saying "are we there yet?" over and over and now I think of it when I see the blog header.

Coal in the Stocking

So, this week we're doing a light school week, so that we've got time to get stuff done and get ready to travel to GA, but not lose momentum on school work. We're doing math, spelling, and writing every day. They read at some point every day anyway, so I'm not scheduling it in.
They've both been struggling with writing. Not handwriting, but the process of getting thoughts from the brain to the paper, and in complete sentences. And of course they both struggle in different ways, making my life so much more exciting. So for the writing assignments, I'm going back to week one and having them re-do the assignments, or do the optional ones that we usually skip over. The optional assignment for week one was to do an acrostic for "Mother" and "Father." I read the example, and Mikayla says, "so, we're supposed to compliment you?" I said, "well, you're supposed to use adjectives to describe me, and yes, using nice words would be appreciated." Aaric says, "But Mom, this is school work. I'm supposed to be honest."

Exciting News

Xander was playing out back with a bunch of other 4-6 yr old boys. One boy told me excitedly, "I can't believe I'm out of school for FIVE days!"
"Five whole days!?" I said.
"yep! And I'm going to Great Wolf Lodge!"
"Oh wow!"
Xander wanted to join in and share his good news. "Yeah, well guess what? I pooped in the potty two times!"

Lowering Expectations!

Yeah, so what happened was this:
Lowe's was doing a special deal on facebook. You watch their fb wall and they'd put up coupons for 90% off certain items throughout the weekend. It was to start at midnight on the 5th/the tail end of the 4th, of Nov. At first, it was a huge failure. The deal then was that they'd put up the coupon code and you had to be one of the first 100 to complete the checkout, to get the deal. Hoards of people swarmed the Lowe's site to get a mixer for $18.10, and the site crashed. It was mid Saturday before they were able to roll out their solution:
They'd post a link on fb, you'd click and if you were among the first to enter your email address in the box on that page, you'd be emailed a 90% off coupon for that particular item, to be used within 48 hours. If not, you got a 20% off coupon, but not all items had that offer available.

So, that's what happened to my daily blogging experiment. I spent almost all of my waking hours saturday, sunday, and monday, refreshing the Lowe's FB page so that I could catch the great deals.
I did get a mixer for $19.55, including tax. i didn't get any of the other offers, though. But when you spend that much time refreshing facebook, and you're all bleary-eyed, and have barely communicated with your family or the outside world for a few days, coming up with a blog post is a little out of reach. and then I needed to detox for a few days. I mean really, i was barely on facebook, didn't check my message board, barely checked email, for most of the last week. Now I feel like I'm leveling out again, though probably at a much healthier level of internet usage (less than before the lowesathon.)

I'm going to try to finish out the month. Maybe not daily, I mean, lets not get TOO optimistic here, but as often as I can.

Tonight I have a pre-deployment briefing to attend. Sometime this week, Michael has to have his big tough box packed up and ready to send on over. We're moving away from that intangible thing that we talk about and know is coming, to the actions that prove to us that it really is going to happen.
I continue to get the emails from the battalion that he's no longer a part of, so I know that they continue to lose soldiers. And I also get emails about "reintegration" and "don't put homecoming dates on facebook!" type stuff, and am both happy for them and frustrated that I'm on the opposite side of things right now.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to get my house cleaned up so the sitter doesn't trip over the 14 pairs of shoes in the living room when she gets here in just 2.5 hours. I should probably prepare dinner, too. I hear kids like to eat.

Recipes!

These are very complicated gourmet dishes.

Ham and Cheese Stromboli:
Thaw Puff Pastry (directions say thaw on the counter for 40 minutes. Who has time for that!? Stick it in the microwave on low for a few minutes. Or, I did the chicken defrost setting for 4 minutes. worked fine) By the way, I only used 1/3 of the sheet for this.
Spread the pastry out and add a layer of ham, covering the whole thing.
Add a layer of shredded cheese of your choice. Italian blend is yummy.
Start at one end and roll it up.
Stick a pat of butter on top and bake it at 400 until it's brown on top and the cheese is all oozy.
Eat. Add marinara for dipping if you want. Either way, it's really good.

PB&J Strudel:
Get the other 1/3 of a sheet of pastry and spread it out.
Spread PB from end to end, but covering exactly isn't important because it'll ooze as it melts anyway.
Spread jam down the middle - it will also spread.
Roll it up, top with a pat of butter, bake at 400 until it's brown on top.
Eat.

Yum.

This is what happens when you watch Food Network and "The Best Thing I Ever Ate" is on, and they're all talking about filled foods - calzones, tamales, and stuff like that. And you start thinking about how good those all sound, and then remember you've got a puff pastry left in the freezer, from when you tried (and hated) the Puff Pastry around Brie recipe.

At the risk of being accused of being a liberal...

Look, I don't talk politics, okay? I may chit chat with Larry about it sometimes, but that's only because he and I agree 95% of the time*. I try to talk about it with Michael, but even though we mostly agree, I tend to take it personally if he doesn't agree 100% and then I'm left trying to convince him; or else I'm in the mood to play devil's advocate just for the sake of a good debate. Either way, it never ends well, unless I'm talking to Larry, because we get each other when it comes to politics.
When it comes to the big issues, I often feel like I must not have paid nearly enough attention in school, because all I know is what makes sense to me, and going too in depth about all the pros and cons is very intimidating.

So with that said, let me now say upfront : I'm not saying that I know the answers to this issue, and I'm not saying that "socialized medicine" or "government run healthcare" is the answer. I'm not interested in debating this large complex issue as a whole. What I'm interested in saying is that I don't understand why so many people are so opposed to tax dollars paying for health care.

I believe that our health is more valuable than our education. I believe that our health is more important than a whole lot of other things that we pay taxes to cover. I think our health is more important than state parks, for example. I'm not seeing any public outcry about how awful it is that we pay taxes to ensure that every child receives an education. Why do we, as a nation, value education over health? We all believe that education is important. And we have the choice to use the public system, or to use public schools or home school. Most people have at least some amount of problems with our public school systems. Many are fed up with the corruptness of the system. But how many are saying, "the government has screwed this up so badly, and has no business being involved in this part of our lives!?" None that I've heard - even those of us who keep our kids at home value the public education system. Why is it that privatization of our school system is totally implausible, but the opposite is true when it comes to health care? We may not like the system, but we still believe that the education of our children is a basic right that needs to be extended, and that it's an investment worthy of our tax dollars.

Here is what I believe: Regardless of their parents' income, the health care of our children should be a basic right that is extended, and deemed worthy of our tax dollars. And because I believe that good health is important at all ages, I believe that should extend into adult hood.
Kids and pregnant women aren't the only ones who should be guaranteed access to medical care. Emergency medical attention shouldn't be the only type of health care that is automatically approved for all. A forty year old bachelor with a non-emergent health concern is no less deserving than a pregnant mother.

I don't know the answers. But I do think that the "we shouldn't have to fund their health care!" is a selfish attitude. We do fund "their" health care. They, being - the young, the pregnant, the old, the any age who shows up at the ER because they can't afford to just go to the doctor and they know that an ER can't turn them away. I think everyone is deserving of health care. I don't know how the system should be run, and I get that many are scared that the government will indeed totally screw it up. I'm not interested in helping work those details out, I'd probably only make matters worse. I just think that the welfare of my fellow man is a worthy investment. If someone needs help, and I'm capable of helping, I'd like to do so.

And by the way, I definitely am not a liberal, but I don't think that "liberal" is a bad word, either. I'd say I'm a conservative moderate, if there is such a thing.

Now, if you comment, keep it nice.

*This is not to imply anything about Larry's beliefs about health care reform or public education or taxes or anything else discussed in this blog!


***********************
Oh, and what prompted my thoughts on the health care crisis today?
The state of Georgia has only about half the amount of trauma centers that it needs, and the majority of them are clustered around Atlanta. Georgia voters don't want to pay an additional $10/year/vehicle to fund more trauma centers spread throughout the state. It's estimated that 700 lives a year could be saved with an adequate amount of TCs. A woman quoted in the AJC said of the southern half of the state, that we already fund their education, we shouldn't have to fund their health care too. That is the type of thing I'm responding to. Are lives in Atlanta somehow worth more than lives in south GA? Of course not. I find it very sad that the voters of my home state are okay with letting 700 people per year die, because they don't want to pay another $10/year. When you're the one who has a horrible car crash, say, on your way to Florida, you may wish that there was one closer, and not care whether that facility was funded by taxes or the private sector.
And of those existing trauma centers, only TWO are pediatric trauma centers. Egleston and Scottish Rite are both in Atlanta. It doesn't have to be that way. I was pleased to see a map of NC's TCs and find that while there are a few areas with less access, the centers are pretty evenly spread across the state.

See? Already missed a day.

I'm an hour and 46 minutes late, so technically, I've missed the 2nd. Though, I haven't gone to bed yet, so I'm pretty sure that this counts.

I spent a large percentage of today refreshing the Craigslist page over and over. We need a new washer. I feel the need to inform people that Camry's are not appliances. Apparently some people are confused. My ideal set was available on Monday, for just $200. Perfect. Except I noticed the ad 3 hours after it was posted, and was too late.

Xander got time out for pushing Gabriel down. I realized timeout loses some of it's impact when the kid who got hurt joins his violent brother on the stairs to keep him company. How's that for brotherhood!? "Hey, I know you shoved me to the ground, causing me to hit my head on the wall and all, but I still wanna hang out. I think I'll join you in time out. If we giggle, Mom won't be able to stay mad at you."

Oh, also, that nut of a not yet two year old climbed his naked little hiney up onto the toilet. I left him there (though he doesn't seem to get it yet) for a minute so Michael could see and by the time we looked in there again, he had one foot hanging over the edge and one foot inside the bowl, with his butt perched on the back of the seat. I really do think there's hope of him potty training in the semi-near future. I mean, both other boys were over 3 when they trained, so anytime in the next year would be improvement over his brothers.

There, wrote today.
Oh, and I feel much safer now. NC voters made a smart move. Felons can't run for sheriff here anymore. Whew!

November!

Do you know what November is in the "blogosphere?" It's NaBloPoMo, or National Blog Posting Month. The challenge is to post in your blog daily. I make no promises, but I'll attempt it.
So, November 1 is here. Or, at least for 20 more minutes it is. We all know I'm a procrastinator.

Today, two things of interest happened.
Well, actually three if you count that we waited for an hour for an appointment only to find that the doctor didn't know we were there and had gone out to lunch. That appointment was rescheduled. Don't you love hanging out in a waiting room for an hour with 4 kids? It was awesome.

So, after lunch, I told the kids that it was time to get their bedrooms clean. I gave them the option of working together on one room at a time, or separate on their own rooms. They wanted to work together and I had them start in Aaric's room. It didn't go so well. They played around, talked, stared out the window... I split them up and they soon asked for another chance. I was okay with giving them another shot at it, so I agreed. And had to separate them again. During this whole time, I'd let them know that a lack of work would absolutely end in some to-be-determined consequences, and that they'd be significant. So then Aaric comes downstairs. He said, "Mom, these are our terms, if you'll agree to them. Please give us another chance to work together. This time, if my room is not clean by bedtime, then we'll both give up our allowance." Sounds fair to me!
Amazingly, it got done. You always hear that the consequence that a kid comes up with are often more harsh than those that a parent would impose. Apparently, kids are much better at figuring out what will motivate them to do their work, too. I'm going to have to keep that in mind!

Another thing that I always try to remember is to listen to my kids, and teach them that they should trust their instincts. Part of my job is to not only keep them safe, but to allow them to feel safe, too. Today I put that into practice. He has a friend who wanted him to come over and play today. I know this family, and I trust them. He loves playing with this friend, and wants to play with him more. When I asked if he wanted to go, he said yes, and was excited. As I was on the phone making arrangements, he asked if he'd be going alone. I said yes, and shushed him so I could finish talking. I got off the phone and he asked again, and I said yes, that the dad would be coming to pick him up. He didn't want to go. He wanted to go play, but not without me.
I sometimes forget that he is just four. Sometimes, I feel like he's still my little baby boy, too, but sometimes I have to remind myself that he's not a really big kid yet. I spent a few minutes trying to talk him into it, and then considered just sending him over there anyway. He'd have a good time, and his fears of being away from me are unfounded. But did he need to go over there? No. So, as much as I was looking forward to him having a little play date, I told him that if he was afraid to go without me, then he could stay home instead. He was happy. I stressed about calling them back. But in the end, I knew that it was more important that I let him know that I am here to support him as he grows up and gains independence, but that I'm also here to support him when he doesn't feel ready to try a new thing.

And yes, there is often some merit in pushing a child to do something when their fear is totally unfounded, but you have to strike a balance. And of course, sometimes the kid just doesn't get a choice in the matter.

So, for now my little four year old boy has no problem with getting himself dressed and running out the front door, yelling back to me, "I'm going to play with my friends!" and running all the way around the block all alone. But he's not up for going all the way across post to a friend's house to hang out without Mommy. I can live with that. Soon enough, he'll be a real big kid, like Aaric, who trick or treated on his own this year. And coming to me saying things like, "here are our terms..."

Random Thoughts about Jesus and Toddlers

So, Aaric says to me, "Mom, wasn't Jesus around 3 when the Wise Men found him?"
I say, "Yeah, somewhere around there."
"So, he'd be kinda like Xander just not as crazy, and a little younger."
"Ahh, a sinless toddler. Man, that would be awesome." I sighed and reflected on that for a minute. Sinless toddlers. The thought of it is just amazing. Then I had another thought.
"But, can you imagine having the responsibility of raising God!? I mean, what if you screw that up? What if you turned out to be an awful parent, and there's God sitting at your table!?"
Of course, as Aaric pointed out, God picked the right people for the job, knowing they could handle it. But I admit there's a piece of me that thinks they totally got off easy with their first kid. Imagine when the 2nd was born. We always joke that God doesn't make your first kid too hard or else you wouldn't have more. But what if your first was literally perfect, and then you had another and then had to face the harsh reality that THIS kid came with a sinful nature? And what about favorites? Of course we all love our kids the same... but what if one of your kids is Jesus!?

Just my random after lunch thoughts for today.

By the way, if you saw my blog earlier today and read my other post, well, I applaud you. I woke up and thought, "Oh, wow, I think I wrong a long babbling post of over the top late night boringness" and the first thing I did was delete it. Then I got a message from a friend who'd read it, and said I should have left it. If I can find a way to recover it, I will. Otherwise, it really was just late night babbling about this past year and this upcoming year. Nothing newsworthy. (update, I managed to dig it up by sorting through my history and finding a draft of it.)

Keeping with the old analogies

So, I was just thinking, last year's "roller coaster" really turned out to be more of a log plume, ya know? One where you keep thinking there will be a big drop and a splash, but then you get to the end and go, "oh, that was it?" Except that in this case, I'm glad that Michael never did leave. I'm happy for this ride to have be a relaxing (though sometimes frustrating) one.
Seems wrong to go into this next part talking about roller coasters.
Lately, I reflect on how very lucky we were. Too many times this year, I've gotten emails from our FRG (Family Readiness Group). For me, knowing that my husband is nearby, maybe even in the house when I get the messages, I don't have that momentary panic that I'm sure the other wives get. The first line always says, "If you're reading this email, your loved one is okay!" Then it goes on to share the bad news. The first two were just a couple weeks apart, early in the summer. Then four, all in one day. Ever since that day, when I see the FRG email address in my inbox, my heart sinks. Afghanistan is a scary scary place right now, and I'm so thankful that Michael has spent this year here at home. And so sad and angry for the families who weren't so lucky.
I'm "facebook friends" with the wife of one of our fallen soldiers, and so I'm reminded daily.
I can't wait for our guys to get home. They'll be back in a couple months, and there will be a big sigh of relief among the engineer families of Bragg.
Except that we're actually no longer a part of this battalion. It seems so strange to me. Two weeks ago, Michael started a new position. His platoon leader days are over, and he moved up to a brigade staff job. "His guys" aren't his any more. Their wives are just ladies that I know now. Most of them are hoping to move to new places by spring. All the officer engineer wives that I know are anxiously waiting for their husbands to go home.
Meanwhile, I'm back on the other side of things again. Counting down to a deployment. This time though, I'm not nearly as fazed. At least not yet. Partly because of this past year. I figure I went through all the emotional drama of preparing for a deployment this time last year, I have no need to go through it again. I just took a rain check, basically. Plus, I'm now cynical enough that no matter how "sure" we are that he's going, I figure there's still a decent chance that he'll stay home. The odds really are much slimmer now, though. Apparently, from the Army's perspective, it's some great tragedy that he "missed out" on multiple opportunities to deploy this year. That's experience that they want him to have.
So that's where we are right now. Waiting in line again. Thankful for this past year he had at home. Thankful that even though he's going, he's heading to Iraq which is (theoretically) much safer than Afghanistan at this point. Praying that it is indeed an uneventful year ahead of us. No incident reports from down range. No kids pulling dressers down onto their heads. I'm hoping for a reasonably peaceful year with no emergencies of any kind.
As we near late fall/early winter, the tension is rising. It's starting to feel real. I've realized that I'll be here alone with both a 2 year old, AND a preteen. Plus 2 more in the middle. That should be fun. We're starting to get things lined up. Making lists of things to do, things to buy, things to discuss while we can still do it face to face. Brainstorming ways to cope this upcoming year. Trying not to get too frustrated that there are lots of things that I want to plan for the next year, but can't until we know his R&R dates, and that's a ways off still.
Mostly, just taking it one day at a time and really, ignoring the dates that I jotted in pencil on my calendar.

Also, to update on the post about medical drama:
Mikayla is fine and can eat gluten.
Aaric had the MRI and we go back in 3 weeks to have another hearing test. The ENT is on the opposite side of town, so I haven't dropped off the MRI results yet, but I'll be over that way later this week and will stop by then. So no news on that front. He has a cold and keeps freaking that his ears are buzzing, or that his hearing is a tiny bit weak due to congestion.
If Xander doesn't start routinely pooping in the potty I think I'll scream.
Dear sweet healthy Gabriel, is so far still the normal one of the bunch. But Xander as his role model, I know that will change soon enough. And with the daredevil genes he has pumping through his body, I have no doubt he'll get his turn at the ER. But for now, he's good.