Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Legal Notice Lady

The time has come to tell The Internet about Legal Notice Lady, who will henceforth be referred to as simply, LNL.
I live in a duplex. If you were facing it from the street, I'm the one on the left. In the next duplex down (to your right), in the left unit, lives LNL. All I knew about her in the past, was that she smoked a lot, and walked her dog in the back yard a lot, usually while smoking. And she has super long hair, like down to her butt and wears it in a ponytail. Her husband came home from a deployment (I assume this, because of the flags and "Welcome Home" signs that were in the yard)a couple months ago.
A few weeks ago, I'd seen a truck full of stuff. Didn't think a lot about it. This was around the same time that Aaric kept going on leisurely bike rides around the neighborhood, all on his own, without telling me, frequently. Now, on this particular day, it was dark already. Around 5:30 or so, maybe. Since it had already happened once earlier that day and twice over the weekend (it was a monday), I was more pissed off than worried. I mean, its a relatively safe neighborhood, and I doubted he was in any danger... but he kept on doing it over and over!! So. I noticed a cop (MP) car drive by and was just about to flag him down to ask him to watch for a small kid on wheels as he cruised the neighborhood, when he stopped in front of LNL's house. Right about then, I could hear the sound of Aaric's training wheel scratching the pavement. We went in, and I kept peeking back out the door to see if they were coming out, because I was hoping to get a nice stern lecture from them. I saw LNL a few times, when I looked, and I'm sure she thought I was being nosey, but I swear, i just wanted to get a lecture for my kid. That time.
They finally left, and I didn't see them as they drove off, so I missed my chance there. But after a couple days, I noticed a piece of paper, just a regular sized one, taped to her shutters in Priority Mail tape. I kinda wondered at first if maybe the mail carrier did it. It didn't look like a package though, just a piece of paper! taped to the shutters! with priority mail tape!
So, the next day, I noticed door decor. Only it wasn't of the holiday variety. It was more pieces of paper. Under the peephole, there was a piece of paper with "WARNING" printed out (from the computer) in a little arch. she took some actual effort with this. The paper was cut to follow the curvature of the warning too. Man do I need to find a way to sneak over there with a camera! Well, underneath that display, were 2 pieces of paper, with a paper cut out cross between them.
Well, I just had to know. I was walking to get my mail and noticed that her car wasn't there and I didn't see her anywhere. So on my way back, I mosied up the (very very short) driveway to look at the door. Now, right in front of her house, a road intersects our road. There's a new road right there. Well, as I stood there for half a second, I saw the word "domestic" and can't recall what else because I hear someone yell from down that road, maybe 2 buildings down, "HELLO!" I tried to play it off like I just got bored and walked away, that their yelling didn't frighten me, but yeah, I'm thinking "crap, she was just down at a neighbor's house and now she's pissed that I, the nosey neighbor, is sneaking up to read her door display." Did I mention that we have super short driveways?? Just enough room for a car. So the front door is right there. Its not like I had to go out of my way. And if there's a big "WARNING" sign on my neighbor's door, I'd like to know what its about, wouldn't you??
Okay, so anyway, a few days after that, the papers have been fruitful and multiplied. There are now 6 papers. Oh, I forgot to mention, they were typed up all official like, so they looked like legal notices, hence the LNL name. She had to move the cross up above the peephole, and the warning off to the side. THen with the 2 rows of 3 notices on the door. And there is of course, still the priority mail one on the shutters.
So this has absolutely been driving me crazy. What on EARTH are they about! Why the warning? Why display it (but not want it to be read)? Did the husband come home from the deployment and freak out on them?
Well, today, I learned a tiny bit more...
My dear son was up to some old tricks today. Not running away, calling 911. I taught him about it last year when Michael left, so that if anything happened to me, he'd be able to call and get help. He subsequently called a few times. Well, he hasn't done it since probably February. Until today.
So, I get a knock at the door and its an MP and he says they had a 911 hangup. I rolled my eyes and explained that it must have been my son. He started the paperwork when another car pulled up. The MP got out and was laughing and called out to us that when he heard the name of the road, he figured it was probably "that lady" and looked down at LNL's house. They both laughed. I said, "so, um, is it confidential information, or can you tell me what the deal IS with that lady?" Turns out, they have no clue. She calls a few times a week, and apparently last night, took a box full of stuff to the MP station. And a lot of times when they show up the husband looks totally baffled by it all and nothing is going on. I mentioned wondering what was up with the papers, and they had no idea. They conclude that she's just crazy. And while we were talking, she walked out, so we had to move on to more business like discussions, such as my level of education (what THAT has to do with my kid calling 911, I'm not sure - though, I think I had more than him, because when I replied "some college" he looked really confused. what? thats the box I always have to mark on the forms!) SO anyway, she come out, gets in her car, and drives around the block, then parks in the road, facing my house. Just sat there with the car running. I didn't see when she drove off, I forgot to watch out the peephole to see when she left or where she went. But I know she was there the whole time the MPs were there. Apparently watching. Not that I can blame her, I mean, I read her door, she can watch me talk to the MPs - but why get in the car to do it? Whats wrong with her windows? Why can't she watch out the window like normal people? Oh, I know, because she's crazy LNL!!
Now, everyone comment with good ideas to find out what is on the papers on the door. Aaric can't read. They're taped to the inside of the storm door, so i can't send him to just snatch them down either.

4 comments:

larryl said...

good grief. just go ever and read them. if she asks, say you were curious. there is no crime there.

Anonymous said...

ask her if you can borrow some sugar

Anonymous said...

I didn't know they were notices she put there. I thought they were like offical notices.

Lumpy

Kelly said...

I don't know if they are official ones or ones that she made up. But she is the one who taped them to the door, I'm pretty sure of that!