I'm a bad ass mofo.

My dear readers, don't bother checking to ensure that you've clicked on the right blog... yes, its KellyR2. But I decided that if I'm going to be a federal criminal, I may as well have the proper vocabulary. Or at least include it in the title.
So would you like to hear the tale? Of course you would, or you wouldn't be here in the first place.
I started out the day as a perfectly (arguably) normal person and law-abiding citizen. It was a normal day for me - too much time online, begging the kids to please put on clothes and quit playing in the sink, the usual. In the afternoon, I had some errands to run. First and foremost, I needed food. I'd realized that I was STARVING and decided that I could probably stomach some KFC. Not the healthiest of meals, but I thought I could handle the taste and its got a good bit of calories which is good for someone who is barely eating. There are two different ways to get to the KFC from my house. Both are on base. I usually go one way. Today, for some freakish reason, I chose the other route.
I drove past a housing area, at the end of which a wooded area begins and you go down a hill, then it goes into a little shopping/office area. As I started down this hill, I noticed a white van on the side of the road, and a couple people standing around outside of it. Looked like maybe surveyors or maybe they were recording something. Got a bit closer. Oh. No. That would be a handy dandy "radar speed detection device." Interestingly, they weren't MPs. I've never seen local cops pulling people on base. Weird. Anyway, on with the story.
So, the lady cop waves me down and points over to the road that turned off right there. So, I pulled in there. As I rolled down the window to speak to the officer that was directing me in, I heard the one with the radar yell out "She was going 34!"
Yep. That's my federal offense. Going 34 miles per hour. The speed limit in housing areas is 15 mph. I'm pretty sure it goes up to 30 less than a block down from where I was. A misdemeanor on federal properly (like a military installation) is a federal offense. I'm not sure if its for all speeders on base, or just those of us evil enough to go 19 mph over the limit, but I don't have the option of just paying the stupid ticket. I HAVE to go to court. I'll be getting a card in the mail in a few weeks informing me of my court date. It should be some time in Dec. My luck - probably sometime during Michael's leave, so we won't be able to travel and he won't be able to go see his family, and it'll be all my fault. For driving 34 mph.
In addition to what I'm sure will be a HUGE fine, and my having to go to court, I have to sit through a 4 hour driver's course within the next month or I lose my privilege to drive on post. I know no one who I can get to babysit for 4 hours around here - so my children are going to just LOVE that. And I'm sure the instructors will just LOVE me for bringing them.
Oh, and the officers took their sweet time too. I probably sat there for 15 minutes waiting for them to just write the ticket. While I was starving and on the verge of a migraine if I didn't get food FAST.
I did manage to eat in time to not slip into a full-on migraine. I ate 2 full chicken fingers (though that last bite was hard to swallow), 3/4 of a bowl of mac n cheese, and a smores chewy granola. Yeah, I had a KFC Kids Pak. Aaric thought that was pretty funny. Mommy eating a kids' meal. (Oh yeah - he was also pretty freaked out that I'd be going to jail, and proceeded to be a backseat driver for the rest of the evening, telling me to slow down all the time.)
Then I went and signed us up at the Y, because its way cheaper than the other gyms in town and has the pool and the lessons are just $25/mo. Gotta start exercising to up my appetite and get in shape. And in case they decide that my heinous crime IS worth time in the slammer.