November!

Do you know what November is in the "blogosphere?" It's NaBloPoMo, or National Blog Posting Month. The challenge is to post in your blog daily. I make no promises, but I'll attempt it.
So, November 1 is here. Or, at least for 20 more minutes it is. We all know I'm a procrastinator.

Today, two things of interest happened.
Well, actually three if you count that we waited for an hour for an appointment only to find that the doctor didn't know we were there and had gone out to lunch. That appointment was rescheduled. Don't you love hanging out in a waiting room for an hour with 4 kids? It was awesome.

So, after lunch, I told the kids that it was time to get their bedrooms clean. I gave them the option of working together on one room at a time, or separate on their own rooms. They wanted to work together and I had them start in Aaric's room. It didn't go so well. They played around, talked, stared out the window... I split them up and they soon asked for another chance. I was okay with giving them another shot at it, so I agreed. And had to separate them again. During this whole time, I'd let them know that a lack of work would absolutely end in some to-be-determined consequences, and that they'd be significant. So then Aaric comes downstairs. He said, "Mom, these are our terms, if you'll agree to them. Please give us another chance to work together. This time, if my room is not clean by bedtime, then we'll both give up our allowance." Sounds fair to me!
Amazingly, it got done. You always hear that the consequence that a kid comes up with are often more harsh than those that a parent would impose. Apparently, kids are much better at figuring out what will motivate them to do their work, too. I'm going to have to keep that in mind!

Another thing that I always try to remember is to listen to my kids, and teach them that they should trust their instincts. Part of my job is to not only keep them safe, but to allow them to feel safe, too. Today I put that into practice. He has a friend who wanted him to come over and play today. I know this family, and I trust them. He loves playing with this friend, and wants to play with him more. When I asked if he wanted to go, he said yes, and was excited. As I was on the phone making arrangements, he asked if he'd be going alone. I said yes, and shushed him so I could finish talking. I got off the phone and he asked again, and I said yes, that the dad would be coming to pick him up. He didn't want to go. He wanted to go play, but not without me.
I sometimes forget that he is just four. Sometimes, I feel like he's still my little baby boy, too, but sometimes I have to remind myself that he's not a really big kid yet. I spent a few minutes trying to talk him into it, and then considered just sending him over there anyway. He'd have a good time, and his fears of being away from me are unfounded. But did he need to go over there? No. So, as much as I was looking forward to him having a little play date, I told him that if he was afraid to go without me, then he could stay home instead. He was happy. I stressed about calling them back. But in the end, I knew that it was more important that I let him know that I am here to support him as he grows up and gains independence, but that I'm also here to support him when he doesn't feel ready to try a new thing.

And yes, there is often some merit in pushing a child to do something when their fear is totally unfounded, but you have to strike a balance. And of course, sometimes the kid just doesn't get a choice in the matter.

So, for now my little four year old boy has no problem with getting himself dressed and running out the front door, yelling back to me, "I'm going to play with my friends!" and running all the way around the block all alone. But he's not up for going all the way across post to a friend's house to hang out without Mommy. I can live with that. Soon enough, he'll be a real big kid, like Aaric, who trick or treated on his own this year. And coming to me saying things like, "here are our terms..."